Smoked salmon my arse!

Tyrells smoked salmon with horseradish and capers crisps were tested today by myself and two colleagues. Verdict: indistinguishable from ready-salted crisps.

Today's recipe in Ulster Scots is: Left-Overs Broth!

Ingredients:
12oz cooked turkey
3oz o' creesh
wan pook o' lythenin
wan and a half pints o' stock
half a pint o' craimy milk
wan onion, wan wile big protota and celery
parsley, sahlt and pepper

Method
Melt creesh, add a muckle o' chopped vegetables
Soddle fae a ween o' minutes an melder in yer milk
Add a wee bit at a time whilst yer adding herbs and meat
Soddle gently fro 40-50 minutes
Add a taste o' buttermilk, an soddle for a ween o' minutes

Note: if you can't find 'wan wile big protota,' try banging your head against a wall for 'a ween o' minutes,' after which time it won't matter much, will it?

The War on Dildoes

A friend of mine thinks that the United States is an inherently conservative country and that it will remain so, with a steadily-worsening string of head-banger politicians elected to the highest offices in the land with predictably grim consequences for the world. I disagree so much that I have bet him a £100, or bottle of whisky to the same value, that people will sooner or later get tired of this sort of nonsense.