Have The Cardinals Been Hoodwinked?

From Our Rome Correspondent in Rome — As Catholics everywhere celebrated the 'election' of new Pope Francinema-Verite, several Cardinals were seen gasping and clutching their pearl necklaces upon hearing that the 'new' Pope is in fact 75 years old.

"A 75 year-old dog is a dead dog", said Cardinal Friedrich-Nietzsche of Richmond-on-Thames, "and if you tried to kick the tires on a 75 year old motor, you'd be lucky if there were tires to kick." 

Increasingly-worried looking Cardinals were then seen making a 20 yard pass near the free buffet in a desperate play to outflank the Milwaukee Post-Protestants during the third outer bank rearguard activity color wheel of the annual Too Big To Fail playoffs in the run up to Sunday's tweet fest. 

A 75 year old car, recently.