UPDATE: He Came In Third >>>Martin McGuinness For President of Ireland

Martin McGuinness, the former IRA chief-of-staff deputy First Minister of Northern Ireland and Member of Parliament for Mid-Ulster, has announced his candidacy for President of Ireland. McGuinness, seen above campaigning for votes getting the vote out* in 1972, is a member of Sinn Fein, the only political party in Ireland the entire world that has No Connection Whatsoever With The IRA. As a politician, McGuinness is known for being flexible while never selling out his core principles. "I always stick to my guns," he never said, no, not once. He also enjoys socializing, and his parties are huge successes. "They always go off like a bomb," someone else didn't actually say for fear of being whacked.

In keeping with the carefully cultivated message of peace and reconciliation that Sinn Fein has fostered since the IRA cease fire and Good Friday peace agreement, McGuinness plans to campaign under a simple slogan:    Vote for me! or I'll blow your fockin' knees off.


* As in: get that vote out and put a bullet in its head noy!


UPDATE: Michael Higgins won the Irish Presidential Election held on October 27th, 2011. Martin McGuinness came in third. In other words, although McGuinness was gunning for the job of President, he totally bombed. Still, he gave it his best shot. So shut up or I'll knee-cap you. Ohohohohoho...the old jokes are the best!