Sink Toothless Gums Into Crotchless Pants

There is exciting news from the world of Republicans! Remember how last time they held power in Washington D.C., they practically destroyed the country and presided over a massive increase in the size of the government while racking up unimagineable expenditure on stupid things like the war in Iraq?

Well, guess what? They're back! By some time- and mind-bending gizmo known as the Terrified Media, it seems the November elections have already been won everywhere all the time yesterday already, by Republican candidates. And you. Won't. Believe. What's. On. Their. Legislative agenda.

Lower! taxes. Smaller! government (this small). in fact, I even heard that they plan to write lower-case legislation in tiny fonts, which makes their governing even smaller! isn't it logical? no one can read any more anyway. In every other area of governing, the Republicans just plan to be nauseating malignant tumors, spreading all over everything and making sure nothing works. This from today's Wall Street Journal:

Eyeing a potential Congressional win in November, House Republicans are planning to chip away at the White House's legislative agenda—in particular the health-care law—by as depriving the programs of cash.

You might wonder, rightly, why the above image of the well-filled crotch of a pair of jeans is posted with my little rant this morning. Well, it so happened that the quotation from the Wall Street Journal was from an article with a link right below it in which someone advocated washing your jeans as little as possible because they are often worn form-fitting, figure-hugging, and washing them washes this aspect away: something we all kind of know, but no one actually gives it gravitas until someone does.

I thought momentarily of any Republican agenda this Fall being as usual, like a big fake padded crotch — always strutting around pretending to have the biggest cock on the block, but underneath it all, nothing, not even a pubic bone. Just the same empty nonsense as eight years of George Bush: Lower them taxes, boys, and Jesus will come back soon. Jesus. I tell you, boys, he's gonna come. But we got to give some more tax relief to the exceedingly rich.

And I suppose if I never wash my jeans, sooner or later people will be forced to assume that I'm stinking rich.