Saturday, November 14, 2009

U.K. woman loses appeal over ban on 'unnatural' lovemaking

LONDON - A British woman lost her appeal yesterday against a ban on her noisy sex sessions, after a court in Newcastle heard how her marathon romps that kept neighbours awake sounded like someone being murdered.

Caroline and Steve Cartwright's 'howling' lovemaking sounded 'unnatural,' 'hysterical' and 'like they are both in considerable pain.' (Neither of them are pictured above, however this image represents "a typical English couple," according to the 2010 Paul Newman Zimbabwean Recipe Guide).

Neighbours at their home in Washington, northeastern England, complained about the noise -- as did passers-by and the mailman.

The couple were banned from 'shouting, screaming or vocalization at such a level as to be a statutory nuisance.'

Ms. Cartwright, 48, appealed under human rights laws against her conviction for breaching the ban.

"It's just not fair," moaned Ms. Cartwright afterwards. "This... just... aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh..... isn't just," she groaned, while Mr. Cartwright gasped, then howled: "We. ALWAYS! Speak... likethis!!! Hnnnnnggh!"