Bronx Math

Here is another tale from the Bronx. It's from the Inner City Press, a web site which started back in the early years of the Internet, and which is pioneering also in the unique investigative rigor of its founder, journalist and advocate Matthew Lee.

For some weeks we've somewhat coasted in this Bronx Report, reviewing Albanian groceries and juice and salad bars. But this week we sampled a place so surreal, so in a sense revealing, that we must remain on the theme. 

It's "Dolce Amaro" on Arthur Avenue, sporting signs of Karaoke and Internet Cafe, "BYOB" Bring Your Own Booze. There is only one problem -- they charge five dollars for you to "bring your own booze." This after offering to sell you bootleg wine. We mention this because they also, while purporting to take credit cards, tell you that the tip must be in cash -- then impose an extra five dollars on credit cards anyway. 

The karaoke, on Friday April 2, consisted of five people in a red painted basement, one of them asleep in a La-Z-boy reclining chair in front of a Good Fellas poster. In the front were two Roman statues, in the back an Asian family reading the lyrics on the screen. Upstairs the main waiter couldn't recite the list of specials. 

"The book they write them in," he said, "got wet." 

He brought the sandwich board in from the sidewalk, then charged five dollars more than listed for the ravioli with shrimp pesto. The ravioli, he said when asked, came from Restaurant Supply. Why not from Borgatti's?

In the middle of the meal, an Asian woman came in selling bootleg DVDs. She had the Hurt Locker, Green Zone and Brooklyn's Finest. An offer to break bread was ignored. It was surreal.

The cold antipasto, we must say in fairness, was not bad. It's not difficult, in a neighborhood full of fresh mozzarella and sausage. But there was also shredded eggplant, and small but tasty olives. We suggest that dish, and bringing your own booze and glasses, to protest any extra five dollar charge.